I’ve been in OA for well over fifteen years now. It wasn’t until my thirteenth year in this wonderful program that I was able to be abstinent.
It took me this long, simply because I had given myself definitions and forms of abstinence that I could not reach. For the longest time, I would not allow myself to have sugar or flour. I tried to stick to this for years but simply could not do it. There’s sugar in everything: gum, salad dressing, pasta sauce, you name it. Even soups have flour in them. I wasn’t going to win this one, and I felt hopeless about being abstinent for a long time.
Then I started to really look at my past food habits. Yes, I was weak around flour and sugar, but was that my real problem? Not really. I could overeat a lot of things that had nothing to do with sugar or flour. I started to remember all the times I had sat at my desk grazing on boxes and bags of all kinds of stuff. I realized my problem was that I was always around food or it was around me, whether this was due to my own actions or otherwise. I could graze like a cow in a meadow and binge all night long.
Hmmmm . . . should that be my abstinence? No grazing and no bingeing? Why not? As of June 1, 2023, I have been abstinent. The funny thing is it’s been easier than I thought. It was about really looking at my eating behaviors as well as the foods I ate. Today I am abstinent and at peace with my food.
—Michele N., New Mexico USA
Editor’s note: In OA, “Abstinence is the action of refraining from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors while working towards or maintaining a healthy body weight.” (Business Conference Policy Manual, 1988b, amended 2002, 2009, 2011, 2019, and 2021)
