Spirit/Big Love,
Here are some things I know: I know I am beautiful in your sight. I know that you love me as if I were the only person in the world. I know that I do not need to lose weight to be given your love; and I know that I do not need to lose weight to be proud of myself or to make someone else proud of me or to gain anyone’s love.
I also know that you have given me a body that is a temple to be taken care of. Forgive me for moving farther away from you by seeking to heal myself with food instead of with you. You understand that I have a disease, and I’m not responsible for having it, but I recognize that I am responsible for relying on your help to recover from it.
I’m so tired of this fight, God; I’m beat. God, I give up. I can’t do this by myself.
So, those are some things I know. What I do not know is how to control my eating; what I do not have on my own is the strength to eat in a healthy way, no matter how many times I lose weight and no matter how many diets I go on. Just when I think I have it all solved, I overeat again even though I don’t want to. My “middle name” of Defiance rises up, and I refuse to let go of extra food. I shovel in the food with one hand and wipe away my tears with the other. I’m so tired of this fight, God; I’m beat. God, I give up. I can’t do this by myself. I will leap and trust that you are there; no matter how impossible such a thing seems when I have no definition of it. But I have no other options. I’ve tried everything else. Help me.
I do know that you will help me, if I just let you. If I just trust in what I cannot see or touch. So, God, I humbly make a decision today to turn all this over to you. Grant me the strength just for today to eat in a healthy way so that I can move toward a weight that’s healthy for my body. Just for today, with your help, I can do what I could never do alone and what I could never do if I thought I had to spend my whole life doing it. I can finally say I will go to any length to abide by your will. When I hear your voice urging me to make a healthy choice, I will now rely on your strength to do it, and in trembling and tears, I commit to doing that, just for today.
Just for today, when I am hurting, I seek to find my comfort in you, not in food.
Just for today, when I am angry, I allow myself to experience it and then I turn that over to you.
Just for today, when I am lonely, I seek to know you as my friend, not food.
Just for today, when I am worried, I ask you to give me the serenity to accept what I cannot change and the courage to change what I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Just for today, when I feel wounded, I seek healing in you, not in food.
Just for today, when I want more: more food, more happiness, more love, more attention, more peace, more things, I ask you to be my more.
Just for today, when I feel guilty, I confess to you what is weighing on me, make amends by your light, and I accept forgiveness with open heart.
Just for today, I will list for you all the things I am grateful for at this moment: __________.
Just for today, I will seek to be a blessing to someone else through your will.
In all of this, I ask that I may fulfill your purpose for me this day.
I affirm that you keep your promises, Spirit. You continue to carry me all the days of my life. I trust You will indeed, then, help me this day.
Thank you, God!
Amen
—Mimi D., California USA
