Not taking the first compulsive bite is paramount to my journey forward.
Leaving work early tonight, I took notice of the familiar “I’m free!” attitude in my heart—but with very different thoughts and emotions this time.
Five months ago, before joining OA, I would have turned into two or more fast food drive-thrus and begun my “freedom binge” while driving the long way home. The compulsion to turn into those places and grab sugary and fat-laden items used to be unbearable: I felt I had no choice but to succumb to my desires, which I did. I felt guilt afterwards and shame, plus utter despair that I would be forever locked into these binge cycles which would pop up anywhere.
But tonight as I drove past the drive-thrus, I thanked my Higher Power (whom I call God) and the OA program for giving me the freedom to not feel the terrible tug of my old compulsion and to be able to look back on a day of healthy and abstinent eating, with thankfulness and a feeling of hope that my road to recovery is truly under way. Abstinence to me is extremely important! Not taking the first compulsive bite is paramount to my journey forward.
Without the “food crazies” calling the shots, I do feel emotions more (sometimes those are hard to navigate), but my Higher Power is helping me handle those emotions for which I had binge-fed for decades. Thankfully, my sponsor is a helpful guide and the Tools of Recovery are proving to be truly that.
My way may be slow, but it is also steady, with 20 pounds (9 kg) of weight shed so far. Not bingeing for five months feels so solid and sane to me, and OA has given me much more hope and thanksgiving than I ever thought I could hold.
—Martine, Texas USA
