As I continue to work the Steps and continue to attend meetings, I’ve been delivered more hope and faith in the power of this program . . .
I came into Overeaters Anonymous nearly a year ago, distraught and caught in a relentless cycle of bingeing and at other times bingeing and purging.
I was overwhelmed. As an already active member of two other Twelve Step programs, I couldn’t imagine surrendering and fully committing to another program. It seemed impossible, but my bingeing was equally insurmountable and completely out of control. I was like a bottomless pit, and I felt the true depths of despair. In the rooms of another fellowship, I felt like a hypocrite, putting on a façade of recovery, when in all actuality, nearly every day I was bingeing and feeling severely hopeless. The cycles of my bingeing, the anxiety, and the repercussions became worse and worse—so bad that I even lost my job.
Abstinence in OA did not come easily to me, but I kept coming back. I listened to what you all would say. I found a sponsor, but it was a struggle to surrender to adjusting my meal plan. I even had panic attacks to these adjustments, followed by more bingeing. I’ve had several relapses while working the Steps, which led to even worse demoralizations and feelings of incomprehension than before.
Yet one day, the day before my 29th birthday, I had one abstinent breakfast. After that breakfast, I had one abstinent lunch. Following that lunch, later that evening, I had an abstinent dinner. I managed to put together one day, then two. I would eat in nature, further away from my car and access to other places to binge. I would walk after I ate. I also found reading OA literature and Lifeline articles while eating mindfully to be helpful.
I would eat in nature, further away from my car and access to other places to binge. I would walk after I ate. I also found reading OA literature and Lifeline articles while eating mindfully to be helpful.
It was a process, learning to navigate the cravings, and a major challenge not to act upon them but to let them pass. With each passing day, though, I have found more resolve and healing. As I continue to work the Steps and continue to attend meetings, I’ve been delivered more hope and faith in the power of this program and of the God of this universe that works mysteriously and miraculously in my life.
I’ve had many spiritual experiences in my life. These experiences reaffirm my faith and confirm the presence of God for me. Some of my spiritual experiences have been when I:
- Feel the spirit working through me. It’s noticeable, especially while working with sponsees, helping others, or carrying a message
- Feel pristine peace and sustainable hope, even in the casual or chaotic moments of the daily life
- Attend unexpectedly great meetings or unexpectedly meet significant people at divine times
- Make art
- Gain deep insight, profundity, or knowledge
- Connect to my spirit through meditation and feel an ineffable connection and breathe deeply and fully
- Experience synchronicities
- Experience an enhanced intuition
- Shift from dwelling in problems to focusing on solutions and what’s within my control
- Feel overwhelming gratitude
- Overcome adversity, especially each passing day without bingeing or purging
- Accomplish things I never thought I could and discovering an inner strength I didn’t even know I could possess
These experiences accumulate, I believe, to aid the process of a spiritual awakening.
—Danielle B., California USA
