I came back to OA almost a year ago. I left because I wasn’t making enough progress and was feeling depressed. My food was okay, so I thought I didn’t need the program. I just had to eat three meals a day. That’s all that recovery requires, right?
While I was away, I was drinking two liters of diet cola a day. By the end of that period, I had gotten back to bingeing. But it was the insanity of my life that got me back to OA.
After five months, I couldn’t cope with people. I didn’t want to see friends and found family get-togethers distressing and full of resentments. I couldn’t stand the people at work. I was racked with worries and anger, venting this all out to my mother—poor her. Having life traumas without OA help is horrific. Everything seemed wrong. I wanted to change where I lived, who I knew, where I worked. I was in a financial mess, unwilling to ask for help. I resented family and friends for not sorting me out. Gone was any gratitude, serenity, love, peace or acceptance. This culminated in a Christmas spent bingeing and hiding. During my most horrendous binges, I discovered I could no longer eat enough food to fill myself up without being so stuffed I had to lie down. I knew I needed to get back to OA.
Members who knew me seemed glad to see me, and I knew I was in the right place. Right away I got back into calling people, going to meetings and giving service.
Gone are the binges followed by total despair for days.
Within a year, I’ve improved every area of my life. Gone are the binges followed by total despair for days. I’m happier with my job and have kept it; before, I was sure I’d have to give it up. I’m happy where I’m living and have filled the financial hole I was creating. I’ve regained peace, serenity, hope and acceptance. That treasured gratitude is back. I’ve started to make healthy friendships and to tackle serious legal problems I had ignored for years. I’ve received outside help with my flat and daily living. I’ve made fantastic, gradual changes to my diet. I now eat off plates, not out of salad bowls. I’ve given up diet cola, a complete miracle for me. I’ve started leaning less on my mother for emotional help. I have built a network of OA friends with whom I am getting closer. I feel I’m able to share with and help others, as well as letting them help me.
My recovery is in the Steps. I’ve reached Step Eight by getting a sponsor and doing one question from The Twelve Step Workbook of Overeaters Anonymous, Second Edition every day I am able. Meetings have been helpful, both face-to-face and virtual, and listening to OA speakers has been inspiring. I’ve been astonished at the quality of the stories in our OA literature, which has inspired me to write to Lifeline!
I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m on my way. I’ve stopped going down the path of self-destruction I was on a year ago. Who knows where I would have been by now. I’m very grateful to have returned to OA and hope never to leave again. When I was away from OA, I knew how to abstain, but I had no reasons why I should abstain. That’s a horrible place to be.
—Julian, England
