One year ago today, I woke up and continued a binge that had begun the night before. In the middle of eating, I stopped, picked up my food of destruction, and threw it in the garbage. I became abstinent that moment. Today, the first things on my mind when I awoke were the gifts, blessings, and promises I have experienced in this one short year.
I found a Higher Power of my understanding that I can count on without fail. I no longer live in a constant state of fear. And when fear enters my head, I have the tools to deal with it and let it go.
I went from procrastinating 95 percent of the time to only 5 percent. My life has become manageable even when there is stress, grief and sorrow. I no longer turn to food when life is hard. I know I can turn to my good friends and family (including my sponsor and sponsee), who will be there for me with their experience, strength, and hope.
I found a Higher Power of my understanding that I can count on without fail …. And when fear enters my head, I have the tools to deal with it and let it go.
I am learning the difference between the things I cannot change and the things I can. I have become a more understanding and compassionate person. I no longer look “out there” for what I think I need; now I see I have everything I need in what I’ve already received. I don’t dwell on the past or excessively worry about the future. I live in the present one day at a time.
When I came to OA, I had hit bottom. My self-loathing over my weight could not have been worse. Like many of us, my weight brought me to OA. It was only a few moments into my first meeting that I realized it was not about the weight but the way I was leading my life.
With the OA promises came the benefit of a 42-pound (19-kg) weight loss and the gifts that come with being lighter. I wanted to be at my goal weight after my first year of abstinence. I now know that was arbitrary. I may never reach that goal, and I’m okay with that. If I do the footwork, I’ll be exactly where I need to be along this journey.
My name is Marti. I am forever grateful to OA and to all who have supported me this year. To make today extra special, I’m going to live it in a way that I hope to live each and every day.