After about two weeks, I truly began to lose my desire for binge foods, and abstinence became just another part of my life. I have been abstinent now for over eight years.
When I walked into my first Overeaters Anonymous meeting, I thought I had worked Step One. After all, if I didn’t know I was powerless over food, would I have been in that church basement on a Saturday morning? I had been overweight since I was about ten years old and had dieted off and on for most of my life. I had lost some weight over the years but was quickly gaining it back and that is what finally brought me to OA. I cried at that first meeting, and for the first time I said I needed help. I left the meeting and ate three meals with nothing in between. It seemed like a miracle.
I continued to attend meetings, but as the months went on, my abstinence was shaky: I could not stay abstinent for more than a week or two, maybe a month at most. I was developing a relationship with a higher power; I had a sponsor and I was learning how to connect with others and share my feelings in meetings. But physically I was gaining weight, and eventually, I developed diabetes. Personal stress weighed on me, and I didn’t realize it at the time, but I hadn’t yet learned how to live life without the comfort of my binge foods.
Eight years later, diabetes gave me the gift of desperation. In addition, I learned that I had high blood pressure, a fatty liver, and I had to have my gallbladder removed. I became afraid that I could, in fact, die before I was 40. My long-suffering sponsor, a very kind and gentle-hearted woman, told me that she loved me but would not watch me die. I went to a meeting where it was suggested I give up my binge foods. I was heartbroken, thinking of all the holidays and family recipes that I would never get to eat for the rest of my life! I stood in the kitchen in tears, preparing an abstinent meal when I really wanted to give up and get takeout. But I had finally realized three important things:
- If I kept doing the same thing, I would get the same result.
- If I kept trying to fit these binge foods into my plan of eating, I was not recognizing that I was powerless over them.
- I didn’t have to think about being abstinent for the rest of my life. I only had to be abstinent for one day at a time!
Looking back, it took me almost eight years to work Step One! After about two weeks, I truly began to lose my desire for my binge foods, and abstinence became just another part of my life. I have now been abstinent for over eight years. I know this is a gift from my Higher Power because I certainly couldn’t do it on my own!
Yes, I have to plan carefully for travel and special events, but that has become easier too. I come from a family where rich comfort foods are a common way of expressing love, and OA helped me separate my love for my family from the food. Now I can enjoy gatherings and focus on the people around me and my love for them instead of the food. Better yet, I don’t have to deal with the feelings of self-hatred that always came after a binge.
Now I can enjoy gatherings and focus on the people around me and my love for them instead of the food.
Since becoming abstinent, I have been amazed at how life has opened up for me. When I was suddenly flooded with ideas and motivation, I rediscovered my love of writing and crafts. When I gained the confidence to express myself at work, my career began to move forward. Early on, people told me that giving service would really make me part of the group, and I soon found myself eager to reach abstinence milestones so I could take on more service to help my group thrive. It seemed like I had more time to do the things I loved because I wasn’t binge eating in front of the television all night!
In abstinence, I have been able to weather grief, job uncertainty, medical issues, and daily life without checking out. I am grateful for all these blessings of recovery!
—Laura, Connecticut USA
