At my first meeting, I learned that I have a disease, not a lack of willpower. . . . This knowledge lifted a huge weight from my shoulders, as I could hear the promise of a solution . . .
I have been a member of Overeaters Anonymous for over six years and recently noticed a truism in my OA daily reader, For Today. “Compulsive overeating is largely a solitary pursuit” (p. 60). This statement reminded me about my past and was certainly true for me. I had a lifetime of practicing and honing my compulsive behaviors, such as overindulging while driving in my car, hiding food in my closet, and eating in private. My disease kept a grip on me from childhood until my early sixties.
As a young teenager, my overeating habits created weight gain that resulted in feeling I was not attractive enough to date others. To combat the weight gain, I tried and failed at many diets and food restrictions, all the while believing that food was the problem, and it was mine alone to solve. Complicating this low self-worth was my need to do things perfectly. Even with the low-calorie intake of commercial diets, I believed if I restricted more, the weight would come off faster. This strategy worked short-term but was unsustainable.
At age 62, I was invited to attend a face-to-face OA meeting, and I said yes. I was tired of constantly over- or under-eating and equally tired of beating myself up for my lack of willpower. Little did I know at the time that my life was about to change: I would be transformed from diseased thinking to a world of recovery by working and living the Twelve Steps.
Today, I understand that I have a disease that is threefold in nature: physical, emotional, and spiritual. My disease is “cunning, baffling, and powerful” (Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition p. 58), yet so is my recovery: powerful, miraculous and evolving. For me, attending OA meetings has been a key to my recovery.
For me, attending OA meetings has been a key to my recovery.
At my first meeting, I learned that I have a disease, not a lack of willpower. I am not like normal eaters. I have a physical allergy in my body to certain foods, and an obsession in my mind when I consume these foods. This knowledge lifted a huge weight from my shoulders, as I could hear the promise of a solution and long-term recovery. I witnessed vulnerability in the experiences, strengths, and hopes of other member’s shares. Their honesty made it safe for me to share my story as well. This was the first time I could talk out loud about how alone I felt. I was using food as a numbing agent to avoid feeling any painful emotions.
I discovered the importance of a spiritual presence in my life, a God of my understanding. My definition of Higher Power would develop and grow as I worked through the Twelve Steps. This has been such a huge source of my ongoing serenity because I am no longer alone. My years of self-reliance, when I could not and did not ask for help, kept my disease powerful.
After being abstinent for sixteen months, I became complacent about working my program. This resulted in a four-and-a-half-month relapse with weight gain. But one day, I was gifted a message from my Higher Power: “If I continued my old behaviors, I would see old results.” To live a life in recovery, I realized I needed to make changes, trust in my Higher Power to guide me, learn more about the OA program, face my feelings and practice self-honesty. I needed to choose a life based on faith rather than fear.
I thank my Higher Power for the wonderful online world of OA meetings, workshops, and conventions. I live in a small, rural town and there are no longer any face-to-face meetings in my area. I was attending one online meeting, but I needed to hear more shares and wisdom from my OA fellows, so I started to attend a second online meeting weekly. About a month later, I was again able to put down my trigger foods and regain my abstinence, one day at a time, and slowly return to a healthy body weight.
Wanting to learn more, I began attending a nightly speaker meeting. One message I heard loud and clear was “Get a sponsor.” After about four months of listening to the speakers, I heard a fellow who had what I wanted and immediately contacted her. It is such a blessing to have met and worked with this wonderful sponsor for the last four years.
As my recovery has progressed, I find myself grateful for all the opportunities to give service, from hosting meetings, being a sponsor, being a speaker, serving on my intergroup and region board, and participating on a world service project team. I have so many different ways to meet other inspiring fellows and help carry the message to other compulsive overeaters. Here is the positive message I received on that exact same page in For Today: “The quality of my recovery, and of my life, depends on something I can only find at OA meetings: contact with other recovering compulsive overeaters” (p. 60).
—Lori B., Canada
