This year and from now on, I will not hide my addiction in plain sight.
I was so worried about Halloween this year, wondering how in the world I was going to make it through the night while I was passing out candy and watching horror movies. In many ways, movies and junk food is what I lived for before I found OA, but as I thought about it, I realized that my placing the candy and treats at the top of the holiday pedestal was just a symptom of my disease.
In a work of fiction that I read, a grotesque, hunchbacked character stayed isolated in his sanctuary except for one night of the year during the Feast of Fools holiday. This was a costume party celebrated throughout the city, so for just one night a year, the hunchback could hide in plain sight. He could leave his sanctuary, blend in with the rest of the costumed party-goers, and feel normal. In fact, he was so at home there that he was crowned the King of Fools.
I have asked myself, “What’s the best part of Halloween? Is it really the candy? Or is it the decorations, the costumes, the horror movies, and my adorable kids?”
The truth is, candy is the least unique and special thing about Halloween. Candy is around all the time. It’s eaten at every other holiday, and holiday or not, I, as a sugar addict, had binged on sweets just about every day of the year.
That’s when I realized that I’d been treating Halloween like my own Feast of Fools, a time of year when a sugar addict like me could go out and blend in the crowd because everyone was bingeing on sweets. On Halloween, everyone looked like me because they ate like me.
This year and from now on, I will not hide my addiction in plain sight. For Halloween and every other holiday, I will find what makes that time of year special to me and I will cherish it for those reasons, not as an excuse to become the King of Fools.
—Dave P.
