In OA, I continue to learn about willingness, which for me is offering my will, mind, actions, direction to a Holy Other. I am willing to turn my will and my life over and to let this Higher Power provide direction, support, and to live free of compulsive overeating. Supported by a Higher Power, and the OA program and people, I am willing to dig deeper and deeper into the past, and willing to use it as a stepping stone to create a new and freeing future.
For me, freedom is a choice that I am willing to make daily by beginning each day in meditation, prayer, writing, and setting the day in recovery mode. I won’t be free of compulsive overeating until I freely turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power, and it’s a sacred privilege for me to do so. I do this freely and gladly; however, I will admit that I was hard on myself at first and did beat myself up when completing Step Four inventories of past actions. Making that fearless and searching moral inventory, while an excellent way to clear out the past and to forgive myself and others, did at first cause me some angst for sure.
The answer for me was sharing with my sponsor. Hearing her say that she had felt and acted similarly truly helped me. She offered some suggestions, such as 1) praying and asking for forgiveness of myself and of others, 2) acting as if, 3) seeing the past as stepping stone to a new future, and of course, 4) being willing to dig deeper and learn more.
The answer for me was sharing with my sponsor. Hearing her say that she had felt and acted similarly truly helped me.
It took a while for the freedom feelings enter in. I had to be willing to open the door of my mind for that to happen, plus truly practice the OA program with all the Tools and resources. I found that the disease tries to talk to me and control me, making me think I’m not important or that my past is insurmountable. Giving in to those ideas only allows the food and binge eating to win.
I’m excited to say that I’m the winner now for sure because I can choose how to respond to my disease, and I do that willingly now. I choose what I will eat, when, where, why, and how, and I make those decisions with a clear mind, not one that’s in a perpetual sugar fog.
I have also found that reading the recovery stories of others in OA newsletters and blogs is a very helpful way to promote willingness and to dig deeper. When I read the stories of others in Lifeline, I know I’m not alone. I know that others have found a remedy and that so many are willing to help me out, which means a lot. So thanks everyone! Let’s be willing and really rock the OA program while basking in abstinence!
—Jean, Ontario, Canada
